


Things We'll Never Say

by CelesteJEvans



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s03e06 Point of View, F/M, Forbidden Love, Unspoken Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 15:25:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15270477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteJEvans/pseuds/CelesteJEvans
Summary: After Jack says goodbye to "Alternate Sam", he has a few things he needs to say to HIS Sam. Maybe.Post 3x06 Point of View





	Things We'll Never Say

**Author's Note:**

> *slaps fic on table*
> 
> I've been rewatching SG1 lately and this scene just popped into my head and won't leave. It doesn't change anything and almost makes me more frustrated at this ship but here you go. 
> 
> I do adore Sam and Jack and like to think they did the long distance thing in Atlantis and all was well. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think.

He pushed through the bustle of officers and technicians that filled the hallway, offering muttered apologies and excuses as he physically removed them from his path. He needed to talk to her.

Among the crowd he saw a pop of blonde hair purposefully making a beeline for the elevator. A safe space to talk. Or escape. One of the two. He had to reach her first. Renewing his efforts, he jogged through the open spaces, weaving in and out of traffic until he could reach out and touch her arm.

He had to explain.

“Carter”

She rolled her shoulder away, careful not to publicly rebuff his presence. “Sir, I have to finish my report from our most recent mission.”

He had to explain. “Great, but Carter”

Once again, she pulled away from his pleading fingers, burned by the touch. “I really should get back to the lab, we still have so much to learn about the”

They were so close. A few more feet and they’d reach the elevator. He had to explain. “Major”

“Colonel, I’m tired, I should rest” She beat the call button with a quick, hard jab and kept her eyes low. She didn’t want to be here.

He had to tell her. “Sam”

“What!” The hallway echoed with her scolding tone as she finally turned to face him. All eyes were on them, and the opening elevator door. The fire in her eyes, glossed over in frustration, gave him pause but he stood still, hoping she’d hear him out; praying she’d give him a chance. At the sound of silence that met her outburst, she looked past him, and her wide eyes betrayed her. She’d lost control. If he smiled now, she’d never forgive him. She didn’t give him the chance. “Sir.”

With a curt nod, she turned into the elevator and pressed the button to avoid their conversation. He wouldn’t have it; couldn’t have it.

He had to tell her.

It only took an outstretched hand, and they were in the elevator together, behind closed doors as best they could. It would have to do.

“Don’t you think we should talk about it?”

She still wouldn’t look at him. “Talk about what, sir?”

He expected her to be closed off – considering – but hands clasped in front of her, swinging back and forth on the balls of her feet; she didn’t want to be here. If he stopped now, he’d never say it. Whatever it was. He still hadn’t worked out all the details, but he had to say something. It couldn’t go on any longer. “About…what transpired?”

She closed her eyes, clearly seeking some mental asylum from their conversation. “What transpired,” Why was she fighting so hard? Clearly she understood what he was trying to say; did he have to spell it out? “Sir”

“She loved him.” Every part of her being stopped. Her eyes shot open, but she still wouldn’t see him. The elevator rolled through another floor. They were nearing the end of their ride. “It was hard to say goodbye.”

“I imagine so. They were married.”

The car slowed, and the doors threatened to open at any moment. Now or never. “I feel the same.”

That’s all he could muster in the moment. When he needed eloquence and direct language, it fled his mind. She thought so, too.

“Sir?”

He shouldn’t have rolled his eyes, but his confidence was fading with every word he failed to say. “The way… he felt.” He cleared his throat, hoping to draw her eye. Still nothing. “I feel the same.”

The way her brow knit, and her frown soured usually made him smile. Her face hardened into an expression he didn’t have words for – hiding such intelligence and curiosity. He loved watching her work through a problem piece by piece. But now, the problem was him. He made her frown.

He may not have her mind, but he knew how to ease her burden. What he wanted – what he hoped – from her, she wasn’t going to give. When the doors opened, he would step off and step away. Until she finally spoke.

“Thank you, sir.”

He pressed the emergency stop button and the world jumpstarted. “Thank you? That’s it?”

He didn’t have time to celebrate the fact that she was finally looking at him, he didn’t have time to think about the implications of pulling an emergency stop button in a secret military base; all there was, were two eyes burning through him like a raging bull with the mind of a genius. But she had more to say. Apparently, he’d awoken a dragon. “What do you want me to say?”

“How about ‘me too’?”

She folded her arms, scolding him for daring to imagine. What was he thinking? “Why now?”

Oh. _Oh_. That was something he hadn’t considered: why do anything? Because, better late than never? Because why not? Because there was no one else? Because there never could be? “She was” now he couldn’t meet her eyes. “they were so happy. I didn’t want to miss a chance to say it.”

Her dismissive shrug almost hid her shaking shoulders. “And now you’ve said it.”

“And now you say…” Please say it back. Say something reassuring. Say something. The momentary silence would be the death of him. If only he could have waited longer.

She scoffed and threw her hands to her sides. “What different would that make? We can’t do anything about it. You would lose your job. I would lose my job. And what about all the good we’ve done because of the work we do? The people we’ve saved, the advances we’ve made in science and technology and medicine? Not to mention saving the planet. And you want to risk all that; for what?”

“For you.” It just came out. There was nothing to hide behind now. He meant it. Whatever part of his subconscious that had decided she was it for him, finally clawed its way up for a momentary shout of victory. Then it all went away.

The stunned look in her eyes said she hadn’t expected his response. That made two of them. But it was out now; and he’d stand by it.

If she would.

Their gaze was long and deep; questioning sincerity, weighing the options, begging for reprieve. Finally, she shook her head. “It’s not worth it.”

She hit the button to restart the elevator and stared at the red lights until it gave way to her destination. He let her exit the car, holding the door as she stepped through, but he couldn’t let her walk away.

“Carter”

“Jack.” She kept her head low, her back to the elevator. He could only guess at her expression, but she wasn’t smiling. “She has to go on without him. But I don’t. Because of who we are.”

Oh. He hadn’t thought of- But that means- Could she- No. This was another way to avoid answering him. She’d have to answer someday. Even if he suspected the answer – or dared to hope that she felt the same – she had to say it.

Today was not that day. He was standing behind her now. None of their exchange had gone down the way he imagined it briefly on his jog to find her. It really, really, _sucked_. “With all due respect, Major, that’s crap.” He walked away before he could say anything else. Something others couldn’t hear. Something else she could dismiss. “I hate this.” He muttered as he turned the corner, leaving her standing in the empty hallway.

She watched him go, no words she could say out loud would bring him back. Why would she want to continue that conversation? It was her nightmare personified, taken by surprise in a place where they might be themselves if only they could.

Her shoulders finally gave in to the weight and she looked away from her spot on the floor, no longer holding stoic in the face of defeat. She relinquished what little she could confess, in a whisper.

“Me too.”


End file.
